What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 22.06.2025 08:28
I think the readers, may guess!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
What is the word for truth and its meaning in Koine Greek?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
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But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
My life is so biszare .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I write beautiful poetry .
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Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Why do people say "tall, dark, and handsome" when they actually mean "tall, white, and handsome"?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
One cannot live in the past .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He resisted the act ,that day.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
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Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
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My family never makes their pension either.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She married twice! .
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It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
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Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Im still living with it.
How do we greet in German, French, Spanish, and Italian?
I have no regrets .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
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I was 9 years of age.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
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He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But ive been too sick for many years..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I was very sick at this time too.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
She found it foreign!.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
We were not on the streets..
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
So, i spoilt her more .
But it wasn’t much.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I waited trembling.
I will be 64.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Who then, do I blame.?
I was seconnd youngest,
She loved him until the end.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Was to survive, this bastard.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Why did i forgive my father ?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
What did i know ?
This is soul school!.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I don,t even have a pension.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
So whats the point in blame.
He knew the spot.
I couldn’t, believe it.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She wouldn,t have been !
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
We all went to grammer schools
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I could never make a relationship work though!
She was in good health!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Especially a lifetime of it.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
All the time i was locked up.
And i lived it daily.
It was going to be , some day.
When she asked me how she looked .
I said to her
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But, we were locked up after school.
Comes on , in middle age.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I was scared of men, in general
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Ive learnt so much.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
(And it was in our own minds.)
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Put me off passion for life!!
Would this be the day?
I never cut or harmed myself..